False Statement implies Every Statement

Theorem
If something is false, then it implies anything.

Formulation 2
This apparent paradox can be reconciled by considering the figure of speech in natural language: :If Dilbert passes his Practical Management exam I'll eat my hat.

That is, if statement $p$ is so absurdly improbable as to be a falsehood for all practical purposes, then it can imply an even more absurdly improbable conclusion $q$.