ProofWiki:Jokes/Mathematicians' Party

The Mathematicians' Party
Once upon a time, all the mathematicians who had ever lived attended a great big party, in order to let their hair down and enjoy themselves for once.

Plenty of physicists attended, and quite a few chemists and biologists came too.

Our roving reporter was at the door, and these are some of the things he observed ...


 * was found floating naked in the bath. He later agreed that, on balance, he'd up. He was an early.


 * came, but stayed only a very short time.


 * and got ejected from the party for sliding down the brachistochrones.


 * was denied entry because he couldn’t prove that he was invited.


 * may or may not have been there; it's impossible to be certain.


 * definitely was there, or wasn't. But not both.


 * On the other hand, just because it was possible to prove that did not attend, that does not mean he wasn't actually there.


 * Nobody knew whether was there or not, until someone checked, at which point he collapsed.


 * went into every room once only, trying to find, who passed through every door exactly once trying to find.


 * claimed he would attend, then died. He was going to send his acceptance on the actual invitation itself, but the margin was too narrow.


 * wasn't on the guest list (I can't count how many times that's happened).


 * wagered he was better off attending than not.


 * thought it was a due to a mistranslation, and showed up dressed as a witch.


 * spent much time socializing with a group of mutual friends or a group of mutual strangers.


 * started up a fight with regarding who arrived first.


 * shook hands with everyone who shook hands with someone who shook hands with him &mdash; including himself.


 * brought, which immediately started chasing Schrödinger's cat.


 * was unfortunately unable to attend; he sent his topologies.


 * was multiply invited, but absolutely refused to attend.


 * managed to attend despite a horrible cold. He tried to make conversation but the only sounds he could make were "gurgle", "atishoo" and "bark".


 * did bring his radical.


 * attended, but couldn't handle a few shots.


 * A whole crowd of unidentified metric spatialists gatecrashed, thinking it was an open ball.


 * Bazinga.


 * observed that $80\%$ of the food was being eaten by $20\%$ of the guests.


 * worked out, all by himself, that whether he continued to stay at the party was independent upon whether anyone else did.


 * wasn't in attendance until time $t = c$.


 * tried to make it, but he wasn't.


 * spent so long arguing over exactly how the party was to be defined that it had ended before he got there.


 * An alternative party was thrown by . He sent invitations to everyone who hadn't sent themselves an invitation to an alternative party.


 * was considering an isomorphism between two party spaces when his friend suggested that they attend a party. "You mean an actual party?" he replied.


 * "Here, take a chair at the table, drink some beer with us," said a mathematician. "Why would I take a line at the point and drink planes?" replied.


 * "When will the party end?" someone asked the host. "No one can know," replied.


 * took some other partygoers on a joyride in his new space craft, which travelled at half the speed of light. But when they returned, the party was over.

''Many, many other mathematicians and physicists were there. Please tell any stories about them that you know.''