ProofWiki:Jokes/Mathematicians' Party

The Mathematicians' Party
Once upon a time, all the mathematicians who had ever lived attended a great big party, in order to let their hair down and enjoy themselves for once.

Plenty of physicists attended, and quite a few chemists and biologists came too.

Our roving reporter was at the door, and these are some of the things he observed ...


 * was found floating naked in the bath. He later agreed that, on balance, he'd up. He was an early.


 * came, but stayed only a very short time.


 * and got ejected from the party for sliding down the brachistochrones.


 * was denied entry because he couldn’t prove that he was invited.


 * may or may not have been there; it's impossible to be certain.


 * definitely was there, or wasn't. But not both.


 * On the other hand, just because it was possible to prove that did not attend, that does not mean he wasn't actually there.


 * Nobody knew whether was there or not, until someone checked, at which point he collapsed.


 * went into every room once only, trying to find, who passed through every door exactly once trying to find.


 * claimed he would attend, then died. He was going to send his acceptance on the actual invitation itself, but the margin was too narrow.


 * wasn't on the guest list (I can't count how many times that's happened).


 * wagered he was better off attending than not.


 * thought it was a due to a mistranslation, and showed up dressed as a witch.


 * spent much time socializing with a group of mutual friends or a group of mutual strangers.


 * started up a fight with regarding who arrived first.


 * shook hands with everyone who shook hands with someone who shook hands with him &mdash; including himself.


 * brought, which immediately started chasing Schrödinger's cat.


 * was unfortunately unable to attend; he sent his topologies.


 * was multiply invited, but absolutely refused to attend.


 * managed to attend despite a horrible cold. He tried to make conversation but the only sounds he could make were "gurgle", "atishoo" and "bark".


 * did bring his radical.


 * attended, but couldn't handle a few shots.


 * A whole crowd of unidentified metric spatialists gatecrashed, thinking it was an open ball.


 * Bazinga.


 * observed that $80\%$ of the food was being eaten by $20\%$ of the guests.


 * worked out, all by himself, that whether he continued to stay at the party was independent upon whether anyone else did.


 * wasn't in attendance until time $t = c$.


 * tried to make it, but he wasn't.


 * spent so long arguing over exactly how the party was to be defined that it had ended before he got there.


 * An alternative party was thrown by . He sent invitations to everyone who hadn't sent themselves an invitation to an alternative party.


 * was considering an isomorphism between two party spaces when his friend suggested that they attend a party. "You mean an actual party?" he replied.


 * "Here, take a chair at the table, drink some beer with us," said a mathematician. "Why would I take a line at the point and drink planes?" replied.


 * "When will the party end?" someone asked the host. "No one can know," replied.


 * took some other partygoers on a joyride in his new space craft, which travelled at half the speed of light. But when they returned, the party was over.


 * was beside himself with rage at not being invited when he read that " was beside himself with rage at not being invited".


 * kept going on and on about things until told him to be a bit more discrete.

''Many, many other mathematicians and physicists were there. Please tell any stories about them that you know.''