ProofWiki:Jokes/Mathematicians' Party

Once upon a time, all the mathematicians who had ever lived attended a great big party, in order to let their hair down and enjoy themselves for once.

Plenty of physicists attended, and quite a few chemists and biologists came too.

Our roving reporter was at the door, and these are some of the things he observed ...
 * was found floating naked in the bath. He later agreed that, on balance, he'd screwed up. He was an early leaver.


 * came, but stayed only a very short time.


 * and got ejected from the party for sliding down the brachistochrones.


 * was denied entry because he couldn’t prove that he was invited.


 * may or may not have been there; it's impossible to be certain.


 * definitely was there, or wasn't. But not both.


 * {{AuthorRef|Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrödinger|Erwin Schrödinger]] was both present and absent, until someone checked, at which point he collapsed.


 * {{AuthorRef|William Rowan Hamilton|Hamilton}} went into every room once only, trying to find {{AuthorRef|Leonhard Paul Euler|Euler}}, who passed through every door exactly once trying to find {{AuthorRef|William Rowan Hamilton|Hamilton}}.


 * {{AuthorRef|Pierre de Fermat|Fermat}} claimed he would attend, then died. He was going to send his acceptance on the actual invitation itself, but the margin was too narrow.


 * {{AuthorRef|Georg Ferdinand Ludwig Philipp Cantor|Georg Cantor}} wasn't on the guest list (I can't count how many times that's happened).


 * {{AuthorRef|Blaise Pascal}} wagered he was better off attending than not.


 * {{AuthorRef|Maria Gaëtana Agnesi|Maria Agnesi}} thought it was a costume party due to a mistranslation, and showed up dressed as a witch.


 * {{AuthorRef|Frank Plumpton Ramsey|Frank Ramsey}} spent much time socializing with a group of mutual friends or a group of mutual strangers.


 * {{AuthorRef|Isaac Newton|Newton}} started up a fight with {{AuthorRef|Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz|Leibniz}} regarding who arrived first.


 * {{AuthorRef|Paul Erdős}} shook hands with everyone who shook hands with someone who shook hands with him &mdash; including himself.


 * Pavlov brought his dog, which immediately started chasing Schrödinger's cat.


 * {{AuthorRef|Felix Hausdorff}} was unfortunately unable to attend; he sent his topologies.


 * {{AuthorRef|Grigori Perelman}} was multiply invited, but absolutely refused to attend.


 * {{AuthorRef|Douglas Richard Hofstadter|Douglas Hofstadter}} managed to attend despite a horrible cold. He tried to make conversation but the only sounds he could make were "gurgle", "atishoo" and "bark".


 * {{AuthorRef|Erland Samuel Bring|Erland Bring}} did bring his radical.


 * {{AuthorRef|Évariste Galois}} attended, but couldn't handle a few shots.


 * A whole crowd of unidentified metric spatialists gatecrashed, thinking it was an open ball.


 * Bazinga.


 * Vilfredo Pareto observed that $80\%$ of the food was being eaten by $20\%$ of the guests.


 * {{AuthorRef|Paul Joseph Cohen|Paul Cohen}} worked out, all by himself, that whether he continued to stay at the party was independent upon whether anyone else did.


 * {{AuthorRef|Oliver Heaviside}} wasn't in attendance until time $t = c$.


 * {{AuthorRef|Paolo Ruffini}} tried to make it, but he wasn't {{AuthorRef|Niels Henrik Abel|Abel}}.

''Many, many other mathematicians and physicists were there. Please tell any stories about them that you know.''