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NSFW Jokes

Sex is Fun

Let $e^{x / n} = \dfrac \d {\d x} \map f u$.


\(\ds \sqrt [n] {e^x}\) \(=\) \(\ds \dfrac \d {\d x} \map f u\)
\(\ds \leadsto \ \ \) \(\ds \paren {\sqrt [n] {e^x} }^n\) \(=\) \(\ds \paren {\dfrac \d {\d x} \map f u}^n\)
\(\ds \leadsto \ \ \) \(\ds e^x\) \(=\) \(\ds \paren {\dfrac \d {\d x} \map f u}^n\)
\(\ds \leadsto \ \ \) \(\ds \int e^x\) \(=\) \(\ds \int \paren {\dfrac \d {\d x} \map f u}^n\)
\(\ds \leadsto \ \ \) \(\ds \int e^x\) \(=\) \(\ds \map f u^n\)

Purists are entitled of course to quibble that the left hand side should really read $\ds \int e^x \rd x$.

Baseball for Mathematicians

I went to a baseball game for mathematicians.

The last batsman got to the third strike and smacked the ball way down the field. Easily far enough for a home run.

But when he got half way round the diamond, he pulled down his kit and voided his bowels.

The crowd shouted, "What are you doing?"

He shouted back: "Log base two!"

Animal Crackers

All the animals in the zoo boarded a flight one day, in order to go on safari.

As they settled themselves down, the drinks and the drugs were broken out, and gradually, practically everybody on that flight was more or less inebriated, the worse for wear, stoned, out of it, off their box, and whatever other glorious euphemisms you care to use.

The elephants had imbibed more beer than would completely inundate a sizeable village; the monkeys were off their nuts on weed, the snakes were utterly plastered on whisky, and the giraffes were falling down on the vast quantities of wine they had guzzled.

All, that is, except for the King of the Jungle.

The head stewardess, who was having trouble keeping her passengers under control, approached him, saying:

"It's jolly nice that at least one of you has stayed sober. Maybe you can help keep order."

"Well ma'am," he replied, "it's very important that I do stay sober and clear-headed if we are to make it to our destination in the most efficient manner.

"You see," he continued, "the shortest distance between two points is taken by the straight lion in the plane."

-- Matt Westwood, $2$ March $2019$

Diophantus Updated

Amanda is $21$ years older than her son John.

In $6$ years from now, Amanda will be $5$ times as old as John.

Where is John's father?


Hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked out logs with a pencil.


Q: What goes: two bloody thirds?
A: A vulgar fraction.

Proof Technique: Proof by Rule $34$

By rule $34$, if there exists a positive integer whose Collatz sequence doesn't reach $1$, then there is porn of it.

An exhaustive search of the relevant websites reveals no such porn.

Therefore the Collatz Conjecture holds.


Confucius he say:

Mathematician who go to bed with problem in hand wake up with solution on sheets.

Quarky larky

Male quark's guide to romance:

Bottom. Top. Strange. Charm. Up. Down.