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Physics Jokes


"We don't serve faster-than-light particles in here," says the barman.

A tachyon goes into a bar.

Quantum Mechanics

Heisenberg and Schrödinger in a car speeding down the freeway. Predictably, they are stopped by a traffic policeman.

"Do you know how fast you were going?" asked the cop.

"No, but I know exactly where I was," replied Heisenberg.

"You were actually travelling at 85 miles per hour," admonished the cop, sternly.

"Oh great," replied Heisenberg, angrily. "Now I'm lost!"

Deciding to give the car an inspection, the cop opens the trunk.

"Did you know you've got a dead cat in here?" he asks.

"Well, I do now!" replied Schrödinger.

The perpetrator of this joke should be charged

"Oh, no!" said one atom to the other. "I've lost one of my electrons!"
"Are you sure?" said the other atom.
"Yes, I'm positive!"

More subatomic particles

Andy and John were up quarks, but Matt was a down quark.

"I say, Matt," said John and Andy, "how come you're such a down quark?"

Matt replied glumly, "I've eaten too many gluons."